Tuesday, April 29, 2008

One down

Yair is out. He came over last night, and I was not able to recapture any of the magic I felt up until the last few days. It seems that while on one hand he is saying he is interested, he feels that if he acts like he cares -- just because I asked him to -- that makes him weaker. And in spite of some physicality (not sexual, really) last night, he has gone back to being incommunicado today, even though I can see that he is online.

While I don't expect to "rule" a Dom through my emotions, needs, or anything else, I do have some expectations... Until I enter that submissive role with him, I need him to show me that my feelings are important, because otherwise how can I trust him from the position I'll be in as his submissive? That trust is all important to me, as is my general emotional connection with him.

And it isn't that this is happening in a vacuum. I can compare side by side with Erez, who is THERE. At least from the emotional perspective. He takes everything I say I want or need into account, which doesn't mean he gives into it, but I never feel alone or ignored.

I still have about a million question marks about Erez, but at least another loose end is being tied up.

Maybe because I experienced a loss, maybe it was time for things to come to a head anyway, but right now I am feeling a bit clearer on my need to get rid of the "noise". All kinds of extraneous activities and connections that don't contribute to my happiness. Most of them are harmless -- like my young, beginner Dom. He is sweet. I like him. I just don't need him, and he does take up attention and time. There are one or two other "distractions" like him.

Well, the realization is there, but that doesn't mean I've followed through with action yet, hehe. But I will.

1 comment:

David said...

Kickem to the left,
Kickem to the right.
Kickem to the curb,
And say good night.

Trimming down the contacts list eh?

Good on ya,