Monday, April 28, 2008

Slow progress

I have spent the last few days mostly mourning, but also trying to distract myself from my misery. One day I'll need to think about why I use men to distract me, rather than, say, my friends. It hasn't been that way for years and years, because there really weren't many men in my life. But now I have (perhaps) too many...

So. Friday night I met with Tipus, who I think is shaping up as just the playmate I thought he would be. He's the most single/available one of all, and the sex is good, but I just don't feel anything beyond that.

The other two men I've been considering... Yair is the one I was pretty set on -- he's divorced, and I was really enjoying our exchanges. And when we met last week, we had an amazing evening together. But then, because he had to spend most of his time with his children during this holiday, he dropped off the radar completely. I didn't expect much of his time, but if he wants me, he could have set a few minutes aside for a phone call when I told him Magnus died. And he hasn't.

So Erez (the married one) has not hesitated to fill that vacuum. He's the one who has been there to help me with practical things as well as emotional. We met last evening, and became quite a bit more intimate. I don't know what to expect from him yet, but this is clearly a much more emotional connection, and will demand a great deal from me, and that terrifies me.

The young Dom I was helping get started along his way is still trying to remain in the picture, but I actually don't have much patience for this right now. I've been putting him off, but probably should just cut it off. Which, of course, is where I have my biggest problem :-)

So not too much has developed, but there are some directions. This week should clarify things more.

1 comment:

David said...

I am glad to hear you are doing better, it will take time.

Distraction is not always bad.