Saturday, April 5, 2008

Somewhat random ramblings

It's a bit weird for me to recall my first days in this world, I've experienced so much, so quickly...

I also want to get caught up, and write about today, but for me this blog isn't only about sharing, it's a record, so I don't want to jump around too much.

How to organize my thoughts...?!

I won't. Just plug on.

So during the week of my first meeting with my Sir, I hadn't yet cut Domino out of the story. My first session with him was good, and I wanted to see how it continued. I also was still trying to correspond with several other in The Cage. It was taking a lot of my energy, and this was NOT good for my work life -- I had recently started a new, and demanding, job. But I was obsessed.

I met Domino again. This time, he went a bit further with me, which should have turned me on, but I had begun to realize how little I was really into him. I saw the session through, but didn't get the same excitement out of it. I was also still in my "not thinking" mode, and let him take pictures of the session. Dumb. I don't know this guy, why would I let him take photographic evidence of me in "compromising" positions?

So then I ended it. At least a session too late :)

That weekend I had another session with yet another Dom... I am nothing if not voracious in my appetites, and eager to experience it all... Okay, I'm also a bit of a slut, LOL

Odd as it seems, though, my relationship with my Sir was solidifying. He didn't know the details of my extracurricular activities, but we did have a discussion about exclusivity. Because he knew how little time he had to give me, he allowed me to fill in the gap elsewhere. This has worked both to his benefit and detriment, as I will also tell.

My online correspondences with several Doms led to several meetings that did not develop into anything sexual or D/s. One Dom became a very good friend. Only one continued to develop into something, and I eventually met him for a session.

I should add here that I tried to keep a diary of all my contacts. It's difficult to reconcile people's online nicks, messenger names, and real names, and I was contacted by and corresponding with quite a few people.

I need to learn to trust my instincts. What I first wrote about Alon is: "Weirdo". But for some reason I spoke to him on the phone after that, and revised my assessment. When we met for our session I learned another lesson. I'll speak of my hard lessons in my next post.

The main thing I actually wanted to say here is that even though I was still in the "crazed" phase, the excitement of the beginning, I began to realize that this - THIS - my move into a world I wasn't aware of, a new phase of my life - was real. I wasn't all that adept at handling it yet, I didn't have the requisite experience to make good judgments, I didn't even know what I wanted and didn't want yet. But I was making room for it in my life, and learning lessons (both good and bad), and going through internal changes to accommodate a new identity.

1 comment:

Charli said...

I liked this post. I very much understand the confusion that you feel/felt at the beginning when you had/have no idea what exactly it is that you want or need so how on earth can you be expected to know what you want or need from a man, i.e. what specific Dom traits, characteristics, etc. It is indeed a learning process.....and one thing that I have learned is that it is oh-so-important to trust your initial instincts about someone. Because in the beginning you are so "hungry" it is natural to not listen to what your inner voice is saying about someone if they seem to have some other redeeming features that might be explorable. In my case, however, my instincts (when I do listen to them), have never let me down.