Sunday, April 6, 2008

My big mistakes

I've already alluded to my first two biggest mistakes. I've survived them, but they did give me a huge wakeup call.

Mistake one: Allowing a total stranger to take pictures of me in our session.

I did weakly object... But he promised discretion. Though he would, wouldn't he?

When I "broke up" with Domino, he was pissed off at me. He kept telling me "I don't release you. You are mine." Well, get a clue, buddy. You can't hold on to me if I don't want you to... And I was gone - blocked his Messenger, blocked his calls. But he had the photos.

My Dom friend Udi called me about a week later, and said that he found pictures of me on another site. Not only were all the pictures there (my face was hidden, but clearly anyone who'd seen me naked could recognize me, LOL), but the posting was an invitation for women or couples to join the poster (an alias of Domino's that I recognized) AND HIS SUB - me.

Udi called Domino on my behalf (I was on the call, but too upset to speak rationally). Domino denied it was him (forgot I knew the alias) and claimed his computer must have been hacked. But with enough threats he promised to remove the photos. I also wrote the website and they actually did remove the photos. But the photos are still out there, and I might not discover them next time.

Mistake two: Allowing a total stranger to come into my house, and, well... Into me.

When I invited Alon to come over to my apartment for a session, I really wasn't that worried. Or if I was, the fear was part of the excitement. That's how I'd met all three other Doms I'd had sessions with. In "blind dates". The session itself started out fine. But then, it became a bit too much for me. We hadn't really discussed any limits I have, and while I think that most of what Alon did was not extreme in any way, I really was a newbie, and if something new was going to happen, we both should have been prepared for the fact that I might have a reaction to it. His approach was one of punishment, and I hadn't been there before. And I didn't like it. So I was getting more and more upset as the session progressed. At some point I stopped it, and told him so. He was very sweet about my concerns, but also upset that I stopped the session, and said that had never happened to him before.

However, at the end of the session, he was very happy, and already making future plans for us. I, on the other hand, was not so happy, and needed to digest the experience. But I was mostly tired, and went to sleep.

Next morning, I was waked by a phone call - Alon. Who started berating me for... having relations with another Dom - Master Cafe. I had been VERY clear with Alon about the exclusivity question. But he didn't know who or what. However, he saw Cafe respond to a post of mine in The Cage and put two and two together, and flew into a jealous rage. Apparently, he thought a previous post I had written was addressed to him (I guess big egos are common Dom traits?), and was upset when he realized it wasn't.

Between the difficulty of the session, my original doubts about this man, and his complete outrageousness on the phone -- I told him I didn't want to see him again. Next thing I know - he shows up at my house. Now - this is a big man. I am a big woman, but I doubt I could prevent him from overpowering me. I was freaked. I didn't know if I should act angry and outraged - or submissive and docile - in order for him to just get the fuck out of there. I went with strategy #2, figuring I should do everything to prevent sparking him. He apparently thought that this stalking behavior would prove to me how much he cared for me, wanted me. Well, it proved to me he is a stalker. Eventually I made him understand that I just don't want him, and he left. Apparently he showed up one other time to return my thong panties which he'd stolen, but he just left them in the mailbox and didn't bother me.


So, I learned two valuable lessons. At least. Both these experiences were difficult for me on several levels, not the least of which is simply the fact that I am not stupid, and I hate feeling stupid. Or acting stupid. And I wasn't exactly being so smart. But I am getting better :)


David said...

It sounds like you have been very luck vestri. I know the S-S-C bit can be kind of a drag with some people but I would suggest you follow those tenants, at least until you are more comfortable and established. The cautionary tales were designed for newbies to find their way around.

Fortunately, you seem (as reported so far anyway) to have learned a couple lessons without great consequence. However, it seems it was by the luck of the draw that you ended up with some ultimately reasonable men.

This realm is populated by a lot of very nice and interesting people, and more than it's share of dangerous people as well.


Vestri said...

Yes - I have learned my lesson, and with little consequence. Part of it is clearly dumb luck. But I would like to think that I am not totally lacking in instincts about people. I did select these men after some level of communication.

However - I don't do that anymore :)