My first master

So, I didn't really consider myself bound to Domino, but I didn't tell him that, not in so many words.

Meanwhile, Master Cafe came into my life.

My mental state at this point - still on a high. Just wanting to experience more more more

Cafe gave me a bunch of references - he gave me a list of former subs to talk to. And I did. I felt I was getting so smart, being wiser... Not rushing. Ha. Meanwhile, our online and phone relationship continued. It sounds like all this took a long time, but really, it was just a matter of days. During this time, I was given multiple assignments, and we developed some rituals, and shared many intimacies, so that very quickly I really did feel I belonged to him, though I hadn't met him in person.

When I was comfortable, we planned a meeting, and set a safety phrase. He instructed me to wait for him in my hallway, head down, wearing a skirt and blouse, no underwear. He came in, and walked right by me, set his stuff down on my table. Took his time. Then he stood before me and told me to kiss his shoes. I did. My mind was spinning, my heart was beating so fast that I thought it would burst right out of my chest. He then proceeded to examine his property. He felt my heartbeat, and commented on how lovely it was. He felt my breasts, and my legs and my ass... He seemed satisfied. He slipped a blindfold on me, and then commanded me to undo his pants and suck his cock. I complied. He had a lovely, thick cock, and it tasted very good to me.

Then, he grabbed my hair, and stood me up. Opened my blouse. I heard him fasten something to the leg of the table, and then he pushed me down and fastned something to my nipple. The pain was excruciating, and I whimpered. I was thrust down from the highest high to the lowest low... I was ready to be slapped, like before, to be overpowered, but this... I wasn't prepared. But I was scared to say anything - I felt it was my job to hold up, to make it through anything he put in my way. So I tried to swallow the hurt. He asked if I was in pain, I just nodded. He took it off me. Told me that not all women hurt from that, and he seemed very concerned. He stroked my hair until I calmed down. Then he grabbed my hair and pushed me to the bedroom.

He told me to undress, and lie on my back, and spread my legs. I did. The excitement was back. I found that I really liked it when he grabbed me by the hair. I really liked the uncertainty of being blindfolded. I liked being exposed before him. I liked being told what to do... My doubts were allayed. I had set out condoms for him, and I heard him open one, and next thing I knew, he was inside me. On top of me. He smelled of stale sweat, and I should have been disgusted, but I wasn't.

I want to stop here for a moment, and say that this was in fact part of what is the weirdest part of all this for me: This was not an attractive man to me. He is about five inches shorter than me (I'm tall, 5'10"), and has a big middle-aged belly, and a beard... Every man I've ever been involved with before - including my ex husband - has been really sexy! Master Cafe, at this point, is fucking me ardently, and through my personal haze of complete and total horniness I'm laughing inside! How is it possible I'm giving myself to this man who is nothing that I would go for in "real" life? But I did, and I was loving it! He had come directly from work (he's an environmental scientist, and often works in the field), and was sweaty; I don't like facial hair; he is rotund; and like many overweight men, had a sort of snorting/snoring breathing... Please don't think I'm being disrespectful. My Sir** knows all this about himself. And he has a wonderful sense of humor about it. But to me, at that point, it was all a very big surprise.

So part of me is all-consumed with the experience I'm having, and part of me is viewing it from the outside, commenting, and judging... So I wasn't really on the verge of coming, even though I was intensely aroused. My Sir used me well, in many ways. Then, he fastned my hands behind me. Oh - that was what I was waiting for, I just didn't know it! He commanded me to move here, go there, get in this or that position, with my hands bound. I was having fun! Then, he got his rope and tied me up - I don't know the names or descriptions of bindings, but I gather my Sir is rather a master. I was tied with my legs open and knees bent. This time, when he fucked me, I began to come immediately. I was out of my mind and needed to ask permission, but I know it was granted and the rest is a blur.

I do remember that my Sir did certain very specific things: he slapped me, not to punish me, but so I would know my place. He spanked me, because he wanted to, and because he wanted to see my response (I was curious too!). He pinched my nipples, to see how sensitive they are. He used me as a tool to masturbate on, and came in my mouth. He made me answer riddles as a condition of getting permission to come. He called me a whore and a bitch and made me repeat it back to him. He make me come up with at least five synonyms for what he was doing to me, and recite them to him as he did it.

I was getting more than I had bargained for, and I was so very grateful.

At some point he left me. And when I was allowed to get up and go about my business, I realized he had been with me for nearly four hours. I couldn't believe it, it seemed like a dream, and it flew by.

Now I needed to assess - what did I like? Hate? Why? Did I want this man, or just the experience he had given me? Was I connecting to something real inside me, or was I just playing? Am I really submissive, or am I vanilla with a generous stripe of kink?

Oh, and I really did need to assess, because my Sir required a document evaluating him, and the experience he had given me :)

This was all two months ago, and I still don't have all the answers to these questions. But I am slowly learning what I am, and am not, and will continue to write it down, and how I'm getting to it.

** I have a bit of trouble translating exactly from Hebrew to English. The phrases aren't precise. The literal translation of what you might call sir or master or ... is 'my sir', so that's what I'll use when I'm being specific about my Master Cafe. Otherwise, I'll just use Dom or Master