Wednesday, April 23, 2008

To Sir with Love

So I finally did it. I broke it off with my Sir. Haha, I don't even have another name for him. I mean, I know his name, but I've never said it. It doesn't feel like him. Maybe his nick... Cafe. Cafe. Cafe. I need to think of him as Cafe and not my Sir.

It's been in the cards for a while, but the thing with my cat was the last straw. I need someone who will be there for me, take care of me, support me (not financially), cheer me up, sympathize... I deserve that, and I certainly don't need to stay in this relationship just to avoid having to hurt someone.

But I do want to take a moment, even just for myself, to make sure I remember that even though it ultimately wasn't "it", this was an important relationship for me. This is the man who taught me to respect my submission. This is a man who always looked at me with joy in his eyes, and felt lucky to have me. This is the man who always found me to be the most beautiful woman in the world, no matter my state or situation. This man was as tender or as tough as I needed him to be, every time he was with me. This is a man who always made me laugh. This is the man who helped me feel part of a world I might otherwise have avoided immersing in. This is a man who when I told him it was over, had the grace and courtesy to tell me he will always cherish every second with me, and that he is the luckiest man in the world, just because I gave myself to him.

Now I remember why it was difficult for me to end it... It doesn't sound all that bad :) Of course, it was never bad, just limited.


Magnus is home and doing as well as can be expected. We're treating him with leeches in addition to conventional heart treatment, and so far so good -- no miracles, but signs of improvement. I am cautiously optimistic. And watching the leeches do their work was pretty cool.

No comments: