Monday, April 7, 2008

2-month anniversary musings

Yesterday was exactly two months since I met my Sir, and that was just a little bit after I entered this world, defined myself in terms of BDSM, or D/s.

Here are some of my thoughts:

One: Only two months? Can't be!

It seems a lot longer. It feels like I've lived a lifetime in these few weeks. I've enjoyed myself, learned new things, been scared, felt foolish, met new people, expanded my horizons, begun blogging, come a lot, been stressed out of my mind, felt exhausted, and a whole spectrum of other emotions. The proportion of this experience in my life is like no other two months I can think of.

Two: Am I really that special?

Are all new (or not necessarily new) submissives as sought after as I've been? This has been a huge boost to my ego, but I'm not mentioning it or asking in order to boast. I read that there are more men than women in the community, and I expected *some* response, but I'm not kidding -- I've had over 1500 enquiries in just a few weeks. Even when I posted NOT AVAILABLE on my profile. Just about every Dom I've talked with has wanted to meet me, and every Dom I met has wanted to continue with me. These are not the odds I'm used to in the vanilla world!

I mean, I consider myself fairly attractive, and more than a little sexy. But this has been crazy. And not all that much fun - it takes a lot of time and effort to fend off that many determined Doms.

At first I attributed it to the fact that I was "fresh meat" in The Cage. But the flow continues...

Three: I'm the one with the power

Because I'm sought after, because the Doms I meet are so open and direct in their desire for me, I am in a position of power I'm also not used to in the vanilla world. In my previous relationships, and even more so in dating, it always felt like navigating the terms of the relationshop was very complex. Here -- they are (so far) rather simple. First of all - there are rules :) Second, I determine when the power exchange happens, and I have the freedom to end it. Of course, I don't have the power within those two points, but It's odd how I feel so much more empowered now than I ever did before. Not what I expected!

(to be continued...)


David said...

hi vestri,

One of my two favorite quotes is, "Life is a journey, enjoy the ride". How appropriate to your current experience and feelings. What follows is no criticism at all but rather a frank assessment of your observations:

One, - time flies when you're having fun.

Two, - yes, you are that special, and desireable. All the more so that you are attractive and sexy. How often does a man come across a girl who openly, honestly and frankly comes out and says please come and have your way with me. While you may have morals and ethics, the expressions of interest are simply, no harm, no foul. All you can do if they ask, is say no, but they will not get you if they don't ask, and they are asking in droves. Why wouldn't a man knock on the door of a girl whose response is, yes, the door is unlocked, I will be on all fours on the bed, come spank me, take me, fuck me, please, bring your kink. Come and have your way with me (not in the sweetheart vanilla way) but take me, fuck me, use me; no strings attached. Of course the flow continues (pun intended).

Three, - Absolutely you have the power, you hand over the key. Just before reading your blog this afternoon, I was reading another and I paraphase:

"Recently she said she asked to be released and I refused. Even more recently, comments have appeared telling her that as the submissive, she decides when to give a Dom the keys and she can equally take them back. I agree with this principle . . .let me reiterate: a Dominant can dominate a submissive only so long as the submissive consents. If she said “I am no longer going to submit to you” my days as her Dominant are over."

As you say, you give over the power, and can take it back at any time, within those start and end points, you comply.

Finally, I hope you have heard enough from me to understand there is no ciricism in any of these comments.

I will close with my other favorite quote, Live long, and prosper.


Vestri said...


I appreciate your comments soooo much :)

And I can't find any criticism in them at all!

However, if you ever do want to criticize me, I won't be upset. As long as it's constructive, and not an attack, I am eager to hear new and different perspectives. That is the only way for me to learn.

And it's the main reason I'm publishing this blog.

doll said...


I remember that flush of adrenalin running through me continously at the start of my journey into submission. Its hard to step back and be cautious and let a little time to pass between play when it all seems so amazing.

I was lucky I have found a dominant who has taught me the value of patience, not to want all the cookies at once. I'd suggest becoming invisible on the websites and simply targeting individuals that clearly indicate on their profiles that they fit with you. Become very clever about interpreting what they say.

Perhaps sit down one day with one of those lists, I'm sure David has one on his blog, and ticking off the things that really appeal to you so that you undersatnd fully what the Dom has to match.

Good Luck

Vestri said...

Thanks, Doll :)

I've definitely slowed down, since my first mad rush in.

I'm not quite ready for that complete break, though. I'm pretty sure that what I'm doing now, is right for me. I'm not doing all that much, after all.

If I end my relationship with my Sir, I don't think I'll hurry to replace him. I am already much more aware of what I want, and don't want to settle.

I really do appreciate your thoughts.