Wednesday, April 2, 2008

My entry into a new world

I mentioned I signed up to "the" Israeli BDSM forum... But of course there are more than one. This one is the largest, and most people who participate in other online communities also belong here. So I tend to think of it as "the".

I wasn't thinking when I got there. I didn't really know what I wanted. I just knew that I was horny and curious and that something had "clicked" in my brain, and I needed to run with it.

I filled out a profile, and within minutes was getting messages in my inbox. I began corresponding with a couple of the Doms who wrote me, and within days I already met one of them for my very first session.

I wasn't being very careful, and I'm pretty lucky things turned out okay. Though I also think that I have good instincts about people, even online, so it wasn't just luck.

"Domino" and I set a time to meet - at my place. I waited for him on my bed, on all four, with my head down so I couldn't see him. He blindfolded me, and began the session. Because of my inexperience, he didn't do anything extreme at all - it was much more about the tone of voice, obedience, etc. I didn't feel attracted to him, but my level of excitement was so high, that when he fucked me I was ready for it, hungry for it... then he slapped me.

I was terrified of this - I knew I wanted to be dominated, but I never thought I could have someone strike me and consider it acceptable. But under the circumstances - especially because I couldn't see it coming - it was just all that more exciting, and I began to come. Hard.

Other than being blindfolded and slapped, there were no particular "acts" that would be unusual in a vanilla setting. But the setting wasn't vanilla at all, and I was getting exactly the experience I wanted.

When he left, he had me close my eyes and count to 300. The idea being that I couldn't really know if he left or not, and was testing me. I complied. I can't say that there wasn't the part of my brain that said, "this is a silly game!", but once I commit to a course of action, I stick with it. If I play a game, I try to play it well.

From Domino's perspective, I was now His. But I was very dissatisfied with him as my Dom. I didn't really get the attention I needed, and in spite of his assertions that "we need to talk about everything" and "communication is the most important thing", I didn't feel he was available to me. So I kept looking.

Which wasn't difficult - the messages were pouring in. I got hundreds of them in just those first few days.

And yet - I still had so much to learn, and having already thrown myself head first into this, it was difficult to slow down enough to think things through.

So I kept hurtling headlong into this new chapter of my life.

1 comment:

David said...

"there were no particular "acts" that would be unusual in a vanilla setting. But the setting wasn't vanilla" D/s is much more about Control, and relinquishing Control, the acts and actions take place in that context or submissive and being under someone else's control. I have often wondered if a D/s realationship could exist with involved no BDSM, but was purely a ower exchange.

Sounds like a good start, there are many online versions of something called the BDSM Checklist. You might want to look that up and see what you like, want, are curious about and have limits for.

Good luck,