Friday, August 29, 2008

On and on and on it goes...

Where it stops, nobody knows...

Tuesday was my birthday. I don't usually have strong feelings about them, either positive or negative. This birthday sucked, though. Mr C went back into criticism mode, and actually managed to hurt my feelings, badly. I cried a lot, and the next day -- B day -- was simply dismal.

Next day, I got over it and life is fine again. Don't know if I'll be seeing Mr C anymore. I love what he does for me (to me) physically, and damn, he is a fun person to be around. But the aftermath and in-between times are as bad as the together time is good.

My social network in the community is developing, though, which is good. Went to a fet party last night, which was REALLY fun. I even got a little (really just a little) girl-on-girl action with a friend of mine, and that was new. Might get to go to a play party next week.

So things are basically good :)


selkie said...

a belated but sincere happy birthday, Vestri! I think you need to really weigh whether what Mr. C gives you balances out with the negatives. He doesn't sound like a healthy (or well-balanced) person actually and there HAVE to be others out there with kinder personalities that can do the same for you!

Vestri said...

Thanks for the birthday wishes, sweetie. And the advice. I'm weighing...

Do you know those types of people who are fierce friends, loyal and honest to a fault, and have scads of personal charm... He's one of those guys. He has a lot of really good qualities. But he's an alcholic, his heart is still wounded, and he's hypercritical, especially as a reaction to any emotional involvement.

So I'm fully aware of all the pluses and minuses. He isn't my boyfriend. He isn't my mate. I'm not in love. I'm just a bit hypersensitive, because that's what happens to me when I submit to someone. Even temporarily. So it is less an issue of kindness, and more an issue of whether I can learn to not give a damn what he says about stuff I know better about anyway.

I think part of my personality is that sometimes I need to learn the hard way [sigh]. Also, that I try to suck the marrow out of every opportunity, whether to learn new things, make friends, or whatever else I'm getting our of this experience.

I really did wake up the next morning not caring so much what he had said. Or why. Or thinking about how to handle it. So right now, all is really well.

Hugs babe!


Vestri said...

I should also mention that it isn't like he's verbally abusive, or anything like that. The hypercritical stuff comes in some actual context. which doesn't make it nicer, but does indicate that while not so sensitive, he isn't setting out to hurt me.

Also, I haven't stopped looking for someone else. Kinder? Saner? LOL

Not to be had, as of yet. I'll keep you posted :-D