Sunday, August 24, 2008



Ah, well.

I'm nothing if not flexible, lol.

Went back for another weekend, after all. After my resolve and self respect told me to leave.

But I did it eyes wide open. He - mr. criticism - came back with apologies, clarity, openness... And the part that was good about the beginning was visible again. So I took a chance.

And really, it was a great weekend again. Mostly... There were some low points but they weren't directed at me.

Things become clearer:

I'm back in curiosity mode. Now it is less a matter of going crazy and feeding frenzy and meeting a million different guys. I realize that *this* guy has a lot to teach me, and I'm interested in learning.

And in a mere two weeks... OMG, let's just say I learned a lot.

I've also realized that Mr. C's problems run deeper than the recent breakup, and probably he has an issue with alcohol. One of those very high-functioning alcoholics, possibly. Big warning light, but forewarned is forearmed.

I am not gearing to be in a "couple" relationship with him. I'm liking what he has to offer, it's up to me to set the limits, and realize if he's not in a place (emotionally or regarding the alcohol) where I can be with him.

And I'm still open to meeting others, and am pursuing that, in a calm and sane fashion :)


This weekend I:

  • Topped!

    I topped Mr. C -- which as I said, he sorely needed, and it made us both happy. And I also topped (dommed?) a pretty intense flogging session on a friend of his I met at a party the night before (under Mr. C's very expert tutelage). Yikes, I didn't know I had it in me, but apparently I do :)

  • Took part in an on-stage session at a fet party.

    It was a minor part -- a couple I'm becoming close with asked me to "help out". I got on stage and stood with my back to the cross, and held onto my friend as her master attached her to it... I hugged her and pet her and whispered sweet nothings in her ear. We both enjoyed it very much.

  • Had a fight break out over me (protecting my honor?).

    Or some such nonsense. It really didn't have anything to do with me, but it's the first time I experienced that (kind of high-school, isn't it?) and can't say there wasn't a tiny part of me that enjoyed it. Underneath my disgust at the violence and childishness of it all.

    A friend(?) of mine -- Y. -- (one of the many men previously mentioned in this blog, but someone I have shied away from in recent months) had his birthday at the fet club. He put me on the invitee list so I didn't have to pay entrance. I wasn't expecting to go with Mr. C, but that's how it worked out. It turns out there is bad blood between them... (through online blogging stuff, mostly to do with aforesaid very public breakup, sheesh. They don't even know each other in person).

    Anyway, Y. was NOT happy I showed up with Mr. C... And let me know it. But I am not in any way beholden to him, so I didn't dwell on the topic. At some point, Y. came up to me and whacked me on the ass -- right in front of Mr. C... Who then jumped on Y. and punched him in the face. Mayhem broke out. Welcome to your first time at the club, Vestri! Drama follows wherever you go...

    At some point Y. came back into the club and attacked me. Another first... Never been the victim of an assault before. Mr. C ended up with a bloody nose from one of the DMs being overly enthusiastic in removing him from the fight scene.

    Drunken fools.

  • Discovered Mr. C's alcohol problem the hard way.

    I knew he had a couple of drinks, but didn't seem incapacitated, and it had been a couple of hours... He insisted on driving to the party. I had misgivings, but when I tried to reconstruct how much he had drunk it didn't seem that it would cross any legal limits, so I said okay. Dumb. We got stopped at a roadblock and he failed the breathalizer test. I have no tolerance for drunk driving, and I probably should have known better. Maybe he had more to drink than I noticed... It isn't an automatic arrest here, but he did get his license taken away and will face a trial (2-year minimum suspension, possible jail time, though not likely). Very yucky part of the weekend.


Later on, Y. asked to meet me to apologize. I let him. I don't hold grudges, I just learn.

Now I'm exhausted. Back at work, and needing another weekend, to recover :)

1 comment:

selkie said...

I think I'm just going to live vicariously through you, Vestri - wow, life is sure not BORING!! LOL - sucks about the violence though -are you OK?