Saturday, May 10, 2008


These days, I seem to be mostly annoyed, and feeling somewhat numb.

I have gone back to playing, but that is never simple either. I met someone I thought would be fun, and he was, but our playing was more intense somehow than anything I'd experienced before, and I had a terrible case of subdrop -- or perhaps pure depression -- a day or two later, and he wasn't around to help me with it, nor was anyone else.

To make things worse, I've been kind of sick all week, so I'm also physically run down.

Last night I "met" someone else from my forum, and got together with him today. I don't get these Doms who want to OWN me from the first time we meet. So while he has (had?) potential, now I'm feeling pressured, and don't intend to give in to that.

I know I seem to just be complaining complaining complaining. But that's not the point at all. It just seems that if I do nothing, I get restless and lonely, and if I stay "in", I get frustrated. I need to find my balance, and I'm just not there yet.

So I vent here. It's why I started the blog :)


david santos said...

I loved this post and this blog.
Have a nice weekend

David said...

And now a view from a different David - I think the combination of intense play and being a little under the weather will account for the deep drop.

I think "I want to own you" is a Doms way of being "assertive and controlling", a way to show commitment and interest and not make you feel like they are just using you without regard for your emotional feeling (how does that sound?). That, or you are one serious hot potato, and I might need to own you too ;-)

That kind of pressure or intensity would not seem to engender an ongoing connection, how can a man be so sure about a woman after or even before one "date"? What can he know about you, at face value, it would seem to be very indescriminating. Step back slowly and avoid the pressure.

Obviously you can vent here all you want LOL, and we will be here for you.

swan said...

I endorse your instincts. Pressure in the early stages of becoming acquainted seems inappropriate and presumptuous. I believe a good Dominant, with enough self-awareness to be worthy of "owning" anyone, would take time to know who you are and what you are about before attempting to move the relationship to deeper levels. There are plenty of ways to express interest and honor the potential in a new meeting without demanding that one "bow before" the great, grand pooh-bah of Dominance after only a short bit of interaction.

hugs, swan

Alice said...

I know it is hard not to become discouraged, but there is someone out there that will be what you are looking for. The right Dominant will be patient enough to allow you to come to him in your own time. I have been thinking of you and am glad you gives us the opportunity to follow along with your journey.

Vestri said...

@David Santos -- Thanks! And welcome :)

@David -- Oh yes, it is their way of showing commitment... but they don't seem to be as committed to caring for me, or getting to know me -- and therefore what works with me, what triggers what kind of reaction from me... So it seems kind of silly to try and establish that kind of 100% from the first day! And apparently I am some sort of hot potato, who knew? [blush]

@Swan -- I appreciate you confirming my opinion about what a good dominant does and doesn't need to assert over me right away. Sometimes I think I must be going mad ;-)

@Alice -- I've been thinking of you too, and reading your blog... I just haven't been in a posting mood. Thanks for being here (((hugs)))

selkie said...

grins at Vestri- I read somewhere (and think its accurate) that female submissives are indeed in HOT demand - there apparently aren't a whole lot of us around!

Swan has it right - anyone that pressures you before you have even had an opportunity to see if you click would send up MAJOR warning signals to me ...

take your time; you don't owe anyone ANYTHING - you do not have to bow down to someone just becuase they call themselves dominant! If people want respect, they must give it has well.