Wednesday, May 7, 2008


Erez talked me down from the crisis point last weekend... I felt there had been a strong enough start that the communication should continue, so long as he recognized that things had gone wrong, and why.

But now, in spite of the respite from pressure (he has been making an effort to be supportive), I am not getting the feeling of closeness and excitement that was building up before. So I'm moving on.

To be honest, I just don't think I'm done playing. I can't seem to help myself. Though at the same time, I really am looking for that one man I can give all of myself to. It just isn't easy to find anyone really worthwhile...

The journey continues.


selkie said...

vestri ... why rush into anything? When and if you meet the right person, you'll know in your heart its worth giving that relationship a shot. In the interim, nothing wrong with being up front and honest with yourself as well as with others! Do what feels comfortable and right for YOU.

Vestri said...

I'm trying, Selkie... I didn't rush anywhere with Erez, we never even got naked, LOL, which for me is saying a lot :)

I guess I'm just trying to figure out if any of a series of men is right for me, while also taking care of other needs (okay, I know that sounds stupid. What I mean is, I am looking for someone who is right, and I'm finding the process stressful and confusing, because part of me just wants to play, and I'm having trouble finding the balance.)

I'm pretty sure I'm coming to the end of the hectic phase, though. What else is there after... I really don't know. I don't have very many venues for meeting people. Just one, actually. If I exhaust that resource, I'm just left kind of hanging. Which is where I was for the past ten years, and while I learned to live with it, I realize now how much I hated it. I really do not want to be alone. So I guess that is lending a certain sense of urgency to the situation.