Wednesday, May 14, 2008


No major developments or revelations this week. More like incremental movements. I'm feeling a bit less pressured today. That can change.

Somehow, I've let Erez back into my life. But he's not putting pressure on me now. I think maybe he realizes he was creating expectations based on what he thinks a sub IS or *should be*, and I'm not necessarily any of those things. Now he realizes he wants me in his life, with no predefined roles. So we might even just end up friends (ha). Of course, all this insight is all of a day or two old, and we could easily regress. We'll see.

Meanwhile, Y., the one I thought might have some potential, is backing off a bit, too. Not completely -- just giving me my space. Yay. I need that, and really appreciate it.

Other playmates: T is coming back from his trip to US/Canada on Friday. I guess at this point I'm still not obligated to anyone else, so I plan to see him. I *did* see R, my beginning Dom, the other day. I told him that my relationship with Cafe was over, and he's now making big plans for the two of us... Not sure I want to go there. But the truth is, of everyone, he's the sweetest and nicest guy all-round. I'm just not that interested in him. A bit of sweetness here and there is nice though :) The other young guy -- the one play got too intense with -- I think I'm going to have to cut loose. I don't have the energy to teach him how to be caring as well as cruel, and in spite of all his declarations that he cares about me, wants to develop something serious with me, I don't see it happening based on our history so far. And I'm spread too thin as it is. He is a gorgeous specimen though. Maybe that's been clouding my judgment a bit?

In spite of the fact that I don't really seem to be in any more focus than I was, I actually do feel that I'm slowly getting a handle on myself. Slowly. Though for someone surrounded by all these men I've had only a miniscule amount of sex out of it, lately. Remember why I got into this game to begin with??? Sigh.

But now, I'm not dealing with cat issues, I don't have the flu, I'm over my food poisoning, and my miserable period will be over by tomorrow (hopefully). So this weekend... This weekend...

Better be better!

No comments: