Friday, May 23, 2008

I'm a loser, baby...

Feeling a bit of a loser today. I hate that feeling. It's all part of the ups and downs of my life lately... I know that I create my own situations, I don't have anyone else to blame. But I really wish I could find that quiet place inside myself. That part of me that knows. Knows what to do, what I even want...

I keep playing the field. In itself, that is okay. But then I feel upset that none of these people really cares about me. Well, I'm not entering situations based on caring.

Y. did express quite an ardent desire that I be his sub. But at the same time, I don't get the feeling that he wants to take care of *me* in any way, just wants what I have to offer. I said no. I don't think I really want to belong to anyone... Now I'm peeved that he's not more attentive.

T. never made any promises, nor told any lies... I have no complaints, he's been the realest and the sweetest... But I got offended when he chose to be elsewhere after being away for a couple of weeks, rather than see me! Ha, my ego was bruised :) I mean, I saw him on Saturday, but why should I be alone tonight?


Of course, I originally had other plans. I was supposed to meet someone I've been talking to (N.), and he's married, and I've sworn off married men as not being available enough. But there actually was an emotional connection there, I decided to meet him just to talk, and see what it was or wasn't. Through a series of misunderstandings, he thought I didn't want to see him, and disappeared. And that hurt my feelings. But if you think about it, really, I'm offended that T. didn't want to be my backup plan... I really am a special kind of arrogant slut, LOL

Meanwhile, A. is actually very anxious to see me, explore a real relationship, etc. And I'm totally uninterested. And R. too... So I'm kind of an unsuccessful slut when I think about it. I have all these guys around me, I'm hardly getting laid at all, and I'm emotionally unsatisfied.
And that's why I'm feeling like a loser.

7 comments:

David said...

Let's see, Y and T, and then N, nope, how about A or R? Nope, you really am a special kind of arrogant slut aren't you sweetheart ;-)

But you sure are having a new kind of fun.

ShatteredSoul said...

One of your posts has just been awarded the sexy post favorites award. To find out what post visit Sexy Post Awards

Vestri said...

David, we need to add L. to the list now, too ;-)

Shattered... Aren't you sweet? Thanks, hon!

ShatteredSoul said...

Vestri,

The pleasure is all mine. Also the more people who pass this idea along, the more places you will get a link from :O)

moonheart said...

What i read of you in your blogs I don't think you're a loser and no you aren't arrogant, you only take good care of yourself. I don't find it strange that you wish for yourself someone who really takes care of you. I keep my fingers crossed.

Sweet greetz, mo

mdfun2 said...

No, you're not a loser, just a soul looking for someone for a relationship beyond just sexual games.

slavegurl said...

hi there.....found you through Fetlife and thought i would visit. i would love to add your link to my blogroll, i like your writing. i agree with all who have commented here. you are not a loser....just protective of you. you know what you do not want and that is the best thing to know.

hugs
~martha