Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Moments on hold

Yes, my perfect moment was with the perfect-on-paper guy. It wasn't the best moment of my life or anything like that... It was just like how I defined it -- a moment that was exactly what it was supposed to be.

I was sooooo nervous about meeting him... but when I got there it was just natural. The connection was immediate, and we both felt our initial instincts had been good.

So comfortable. So right. So easy.

We had an amazing time, and no, I'm not giving details :)

The upshot, though, is that though we crafted a plan to spend the weekend together and "begin" something, he's had a family crisis since then. His mother was admitted to the hospital, and had open heart surgery last night.

Betwixt and between... I don't really know how I feel about things right now. He was supposed to go on a business trip today for a week and a half, so we had a window of about three days to get to know each other first... And that window has closed.

I'm assuming he cancelled the trip now, but I don't actually know because we haven't been speaking, at all.

Now, it's hard to argue with a mother in surgery and family crisis... But at the same time it's hard for me to believe he hasn't had ANY time for communicating with me.

On the other hand, one night, as significant as it felt, doesn't create relationship-level obligations...

On yet another hand, though, the things that were said, the tone and content of "how things were" that night and the morning after... Yes, some expectations have been created.

So now I'm on hold. I'm trying to be understanding and patient, but a little voice is still whispering in my ear that if he doesn't include me (even just by sending an SMS, I certainly don't expect to be center stage right now...), that maybe that speaks to how he is in a relationship. And yes, this was shaping up to be a relationship.

For me, this isn't easy at all. I haven't been in a relationship (not a significant one) since my divorce 12 years ago. I've dated, fooled around, had friends and fuck buddies, and short term flings... But no relationships. What was so scary about this guy is that he was the first man I met in my 10 years in Israel that had relationship potential.

So I admit, I'm not only uncertain of him, I'm uncertain of myself. I'm not sure how to interpret things, not sure how to handle myself, not sure if I'm seeing things through the lens of my insecurity or if I'm seeing things clearly...

I guess I'll have to wait and see.


David said...

If you have the means, it would not be inappropriate for you to reach out to him. Offer sympathy and support, best wished and prayers. Let him know he is in your thoughts, even say if we need to cancel the weekend you understand but perhaps it would be good solice for him.

Lean in toward him without rushing forward.

selkie said...

Vestri, as I don't know the man, its hard to speculate BUT, to play the devil's advocate here.... several years ago when my father went into the hostpial in a crisis situation, for several weeks I hardly spoke to ANYONE. First, NO cell phones etc in hospitals, which doesn't sound like much but its amazing how caught up and lost in time you can be in hospitals and when that window does open (i.e. to call, text or whatever), you're usually in a waiting room or grabbing a much needed coffee etc. Plus, frankly, when dealing with the emotions engendered by a critically ill parent is overwhelming and I, for one, didn't want to talk to ANYONE - not even people with whom I was intimately conncted. It was like all my energy, focus, concentration was on the parent.

I dont' know if this is the case, but it might be.

The other thing is that time acts oddly in a crsis situation ...

Vestri said...

Thanks, both of you.

I figure I'll know sooner or later what it is and isn't, so I'm giving it a chance and not pushing the issue.

I appreciate the more optimistic views you've brought to bear... Most of my friends are asking me whether I've read the book "He's Just Not That Into You", LOL

The more cynical viewpoint says that if a man is into you, nothing will stop him. So there is no need to read between the lines, there is just one line, and he's on one side or the other.

I tend to be a little more "gray" in how I see things.

But Selkie -- this started before she was in the hospital... That's the part that's killing me, actually.

So I'm still on hold, still waiting.

At worst, I wasted a few more days on him than I should have. I've done it before, I will most likely do it again.